Mask
by Hybryd0
Summary: I put on a good act. If I was serious about it I could probably be a big screen superstar with the way I’ve got everyone around me completely fooled. I bet I could sell ice to Eskimos.


AN: I've searched but I haven't found their official ages anywhere. Because it appears that Hawk had some military experience I'm going to say he's at the very least eighteen, but I'm going to put it at nineteen just to put a little time between when he was discharged because of Bogie and becoming an Alpha Teen. I also haven't heard whether Hawk has siblings or not, but I'm giving him some. They're going to play a bigger role in the full length story I'm working on. I'm a firm believer that anyone who acts so self absorbed is actually quite insecure and usually hiding something…

xxxx

Egomaniac. Stuck up. I know people use these words to describe me. Hell, if I didn't know me I'd use those words to describe myself. People look at the cover, the face I put on and dismiss me as an egotistical asshole. Who wants to be around someone who's only thinking about himself all the time? Who wants to be around someone who only talks about himself? Of course no one does. They see the show I put on, the façade that I present to them and don't look any deeper. It's how I want it.

I'm not that easily defined. There's more to me than what I show people. For instance, I care about others. Shark, Axel, King, and Lioness know I care about them. I only allow it to show when they're in danger or something bad has happened to them. For the most part I keep up the act of self absorbed asshole and they buy it, everyone buys it. Really, who can possibly be that dense? I'm not dense, not in the least bit. I'm as multi-faceted as anyone with just as many layers to me as everyone around me. The people who matter, they know I care, but they don't know I care all the time. They only see it in desperate moments, but it's there everyday all day.

I notice others. I do. I may talk only about myself, but I see what goes on around me. I see how Axel drools after Lioness. That's not that huge of a deal really, anyone who watches him whenever she enters the room could see that. What no one else sees his how she pines over him. Her eyes light up and her smile gets just that slightest bit bigger, that slightest bit that separates it from a friendly smile and makes it a flirtatious one. Axel doesn't see it. King doesn't even see it, which sucks for him because he has a thing for Lioness too. In fact, if I can trust my observations I might be the only one who doesn't have a thing for Lioness.

And there's a reason why. It's the reason why my twin brother hates me and my parents disowned me. It's the reason why I no longer have any claim to the family fortune. It's why I'm alone. And it would come as a big surprise to anyone who met me after I arrived in Landmark City. I put on a good act. If I was serious about it I could probably be a big screen superstar with the way I've got everyone around me completely fooled. I bet I could sell ice to Eskimos.

I'm gay. I don't think anyone could guess it. I swoon over every pretty woman that comes along, except for Lioness. I play the straight guy really well. I probably could have continued to hide it from my family if my twin hadn't caught me making out with a slightly older boy in a bathroom stall in the Youth Center of my hometown. Not only did he beat up the kid I'd been making out with, who consequently never spoke to me again, my brother also beat my ass all the way home and promptly told my parents their youngest son (he likes to point out the fact that he's older by two minutes) was a fag. I guess I can be thankful my older brother still talks to me, though he's stopped trying to reconcile me with the rest of the family. They can't accept me for who I am then screw them.

With that comes the other revelation. I'm not as happy-go-lucky as I act. That shouldn't be that much of a shocker to anyone. No one can be that happy all the time let alone that clueless. I would be hurt that my friends don't know better if it wasn't for the fact I want them to think that. Sometimes I get the feeling that Shark knows better, but I've never tried to confirm that. It's better if I just stay away from that boy, he spells nothing but trouble for me. See, I have something of a crush on our cute blonde surfer boy. Who wouldn't? So while everyone else eyes up Lioness, I sneak peaks at Shark. Carefully, might I add. I don't want to freak him out, even though he's so laid back. I've seen laid back people go from calm to kicking ass in seconds, especially if said person is straight and the offender is gay. I really don't want to get my ass kicked and especially not by Shark.

Of course there's the fact that I'm nowhere near as helpless as I act sometimes. My teammates know I'm not helpless in any way shape or form. They know I was in the Air Force for a little while and basic training includes all sorts of offensive and defensive training for both aerial battles as well as ground combat. Although I did just barely pass my water survival course I am truly terrified of the water. That comes from my father deciding to teach me to swim the hard way when I was a kid. If Drew hadn't jumped in and pulled me out I probably would have drowned. My father never apologized for it. He's never apologized for anything. I've never expected him to.

Drew has been my support my whole life. He's three years older than Sam and me. That's not much more life experience than us, yet his role has been mentor and teacher for years. Our parents were always too busy with clients or just plain not there. I think Drew has always felt responsible for us, wanting to make sure we got more love and attention than he did. He's the only member of the family who doesn't care that I'm gay. He loves me for me. Too bad my own twin could see it that way.

Sam and I were always close. Other than Drew all we've ever had was each other. There's that level of connection that other people can never understand. I always thought that of everybody in my life he would be one person I could always count on. Until my biggest secret came out. Then I suddenly realized I didn't know him at all. It's cliché to talk about there being an evil twin, and I don't really think he's evil, but homophobia brings out the worst in people. And the worst definitely came out in him when he attacked me in my sleep. If something, instinct maybe, hadn't woken me up he probably would have succeeded in slicing my throat. Luck was on my side and I managed to wrestle with him until Drew came in, alerted by our shouts. Sam managed to get one good deep slash to my thigh. He said such a disgusting creature didn't deserve to live and my parents acted like he almost did them a favor. I left soon after that. I have a scar to remind me of that heart warming moment.

Maybe someday I'll let people know the real me. When I'm not afraid of the world hurting me anymore I might drop this shield around me. For now it's safer to keep everyone at arms length. I'll play the egotistical, self absorbed Hawk for the world to see and keep Zach locked away where he's safe. And I'll keep my little crush on Shark to myself. I'm content to be friends, because I know there can never be anything more between us. Such is the life of one who hides.


End file.
